It’s All About Rita Now, MTV Generation
Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here. Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far? Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state....
View ArticleWhat Matters is a Happy Ending
Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat! Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up. Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat. –Carroll Gardens...
View ArticleMy Bitch’s Ass is Hot and Bruised, Son
Mom: Come here, put on your coat. Little girl: I don’t wanna wear that stupid coat. Mom: Hey, be nice. Be a good little girl. It’s cold as a bitch’s ass out here…you need your coat. –Pierrepont...
View ArticleThe Closest M.J. Would Ever Come to Saying “I’m Gay”
Bus driver, upon seeing a rainbow: Out the right side there is a beautiful rainbow. Man in the back of the bus: Michael Jackson did that! He probably starting singing “over the rainbow” and God made...
View ArticleHits Me Hard Since My Left Lung Collapsed
Girl: Damn, it’s really cold! Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather. Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health,...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Like to Watch
Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: “Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!” But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s...
View ArticleAt the Rationalization Quarterfinals
Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather! Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather! –25th St &...
View ArticleYooo…I Fuckin’…Fuckin’ Blacked Out at Midnight…Lost My Fuckin’ Glass...
Girl: Don’t let her drink after midnight. Make her go home. Are you listening to me? Don’t let her drink after midnight! Man: Am I supposed to keep her away from sunlight and not get her wet either?...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Wear Their Rubbers
Girl: Those weather websites are so unreliable. They all say different things. The other day, I went to one, and it was like, ‘Partly sunny.’ Okay. Then I went to another, and it was like, ‘Party...
View ArticleThe Janitor Should Get to It in a Couple of Days
Younger kid: Damn, look at all the puddles of water in here. Older kid: Look like hurricane Katrina hit this bitch. (younger kid laughs) Older kid: Niggas from New Orleans swimmin in the water and...
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